#21

some shots i like

Happy Birthday Jynxie! ♥

2 years ago she was so small she could sit on the palm of my hand
now, her head is heavier than she was when i brought her home

time flies so fast.

#20

sometimes i think i expect too much out of people
the result: i end up getting worked up over what seems to be nothing
well it's not nothing to me

i hate it when people don't take me seriously
i'm not some joke to be passed over
honestly, i have feelings too okay

but i mean you learn new things everyday
learn and move on
that's what i'm gonna do now onwards
learn to let go and move on

i'm really stranded on an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea

it really is that bad

where i'm headed, no idea
lost
rebel without a cause i suppose

#19

we had this bag of chocolate chips just lying in the kitchen
it's been there since christmas

so i decided to bake chocolate chip cookies
something i have never done before
i just randomly found a recipe on allrecipe.com and baked
the thingy said it would make 20 cookies
but i got like 50 big cookies

cookie dough tastes like magic, lovessss
and the cookies taste awesome
even if i do say so myself

photo's here

#18

america's leaving at midnight!
will miss them

well, i've been up to stuff lately

thursday went for orientation in segi college
i must say, it's a pretty good and well facilitated infrastructure
i mean i was expecting it to be a total loser college
but it was pretty good actually
the students however, is a totally different story all together :)

monday i had fundemental photography
interesting as hell, i must admit
i was a little apprehensive before going into that class
because i wasn't really keen on photography
i was excited about the journalism and public relations class but not photography
but during that one class, we were given the study guide which included
the whole lesson plan which was basically nothing except for 8 pieces of work to be submitted
throughout the duration of the semester and that was worth 100% of the class
which is freaking awesome because all i have to do is submit photo's and i mean it's a fun class

and tuesday was intro to mass comm
another interesting class
much smaller class than photography but yeah
the lecturer seems interesting
she already gave us homework but yeah
i'm actually enjoying this homework
researching on a subculture

tomorrow there's marketing, no opinion on that
thursday there's fundamental graphic design, that would be fun

i like how all the subjects are hands on
like there's no long lectures to sit through

i mean one class is 3 hours long with a break in between but time passes so quickly, you never notice


so after 3 days, i noticed that everyone stares at you
and they stare as if they think they know you and they're trying to recognize you or something
so you think they know you and you stare back to see if you recognize them
but then you don't know them, neither do they know you
but they just stare anyways as if trying to penetrate your soul or something
johnny says they always stare, even if you're not new
some segi culture probably, lol

and owh emm geee, i gots a new camera
sony cybershot

and we gots a new bigger tellybox!

yeah i need a new thumbdrive now cuz i never replaced the one that got stolen in sunway

i need to sleep now, it's almost 4 and i need to be up in the morning, i mean in a few hours

#17

What is depression? Is it this feeling that nobody can explain but everyone goes through? I don't think so; if everyone goes through it at some point in life, definitely at least one person can explain it. Never mind what depression is, does every depressed person know for sure that they're going through depression? Yes, there are known symptoms and signs but honestly, who can tell for sure that everyone goes through the same thing when they're depressed?

The problem with depression is nobody knows until its too late. We all like to think nothing is wrong with us. So when we get bitten by the depression bug, we all say its a spur of the moment, I'll be fine by morning, it'll pass like the storm. Nobody admits they're depressed until they're standing on a chair looking through the noose that's hanging from the ceiling. If they're lucky, help arrives just in time; if not, they become everyone's sad tragic loss.

Some people know that they're depressed but they still can't fix it. Reason being, they don't know why they're depressed in the first place. This comes back to how we all like to think we're fine. The truth is, we are all insane to some extent. Some people have OCD, that's madness to a degree; no it's not dangerous, it's not going to get anyone killed, but it is not normal.

Let me talk about normal for a second. Who defines what normal is? Just because a majority of people are a certain way doesn't mean its normal. Take a look at zombie films; the whole town is infected making the majority of people there zombies. So being a zombie is normal now? Its the same as who defines beauty. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. This only works if the beholder has their own legs to stand on and decide by themselves what beauty is to them and not go with the 'normal' definition of beauty.

Let's go back to depression, you can't tell a depressed person that they're depressed and that they need help. Forcing them to a psychiatrist is not helping them. They need to realize by themselves that they are in a rut and they need extra help getting out of it. Half the things that cause depression are things that we do not want to quit because we don't think its a problem until it's eating away at us and we're so addicted to doing it we can't stop and we don't want to stop because we don't see it as a problem in the first place.

Fixing depression? How on earth do you fix something that you don't think is a problem? Well, it is definitely going to take a lot of willpower. In this time and age, we are all lazy. Everyone looks for prescription drugs to help them out of depression. Prozac anyone? As if a measly tablet is going to tell you to stop being depressed. It has to come out of realization. It takes you to get up off the bathroom floor, to look in the mirror and to stop crying. No tablet can do that. Honestly, how many people can say 'I am chronically depressed and I am going to get help right now!'? Nobody is even going to admit to being chronically depressed let alone get help for it. We'd all like to say 'I'm not depressed' instead of saying 'I'm getting help for my depression'. Why? Simply because we're afraid of what people think of us.

A depressed person can be spotted among the public but only when its too late, only when they've given up on themselves and accepted the fact that they're meant to be depressed. The people that are going through the worst of times are all around us. Yes we all have problems and we learn to deal with them but most of us can't cope with a fraction of all the problems we face. Yet, we keep quiet about it and pretend nothing is wrong. We all wear this smile outside to our friends, to our children and yes, even to our spouses. Nobody knows the burning pain inside, nobody knows the lies you have to tell yourself just so you can get some sleep just so you can face yet another day full of lies.